I love getting questions from my readers and one of them wrote me asking how she as a vegan can live in harmony with her carnivorous man. Today, I am answering her question.
Folks, for me, it is all about respect and truly caring about each other’s well being. It’s also about bridging the gap and not making life too complicated and making a bunch of different meals. For starters, when you are deciding what to make for dinner, get a basic idea of what kind of meal you are making. Let’s say you are making a stir-fry. Great. You got your brown rice steaming up, you got your broccoli, snap peas, carrots, etc. in the wok…the foundation is set. For the vegan half, the meal is done. For the carnivorous half, you might have sauteed a little chicken or shrimp in a separate pan that you can then add on top of your stir-fry. Basically, it is the same meal but with a small difference. Do you see how in this example both parties are working together to make it work?
Let’s talk a little more about respect and caring for each other’s well being. You need to really respect where each other is at on their health journey. Take me for example. Not so long ago, I was 100% vegan. Now I eat fish a few times a month and some goat cheese here and there. 90% of the time, my meals are vegan, which makes eating with my man Mike super easy (he only eats some goat cheese here or there…the rest of his diet is vegan). But on the days when I do have some fish, we find ways to add it in to my plate without having to make a completely different meal as I explained above. Sometimes when we go out to eat, I might order fish and Mike might have a totally vegan meal. In either case, we never talk down to each other or make each other feel bad. We respect that we each are doing what is right for our bodies at this time, knowing that our needs might change and that is all good. Respect also means not forcing the other person to cook or handle something that is not aligned with their values. I would say that if your significant other is vegan, it’s not really fair to expect them to handle and prepare a cut of beef, unless of course they are cool with it. In most cases, I would say that the meat eater might want to handle the prep of their meat.
In terms of caring about each other’s well being, I think that aiming to have the highest quality of food at the dinner table is a must. This means trying to have organic,local, and sustainable food at every meal, with the foundation of the meal being plant based. If you are going to have meat, make sure it is organic, free-range, and sustainably raised. Make sure your fish is low on the mercury scale and also sustainable. Don’t make meat/fish the center of the meal; treat it like a condiment. Michael Pollen gives us this very important tip in his widely popular and user friendly Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual.Even if you are not the one eating the fish or meat, being educated on where your loved one is getting their meat/dairy/fish is essential. After all, don’t you want the best for the one you love? Maybe you are saying, “But Anita I know that having them eat a 100% vegan diet IS what is best for them?” Or maybe you are saying, “But Anita, I know that if they were eating meat they would be sooo much healthier!” Honestly, that is not your call to make and surely hitting them over the head with your beliefs will not make them see your side of the story. Focus instead on getting high quality, organic and sustainable food on your plates and let them decide on what feels best for them at this time.
Lastly, I would like to say that food is a form of love or rather what you eat is a form of love. What you choose to eat on a daily basis is a good measure of how much you love and care for yourself, and what you choose to feed the ones you love is also a reflection of the love you feel for them. You want to give them the best foundation to be happy, strong, balanced. You can help to do this through what you serve at the dinner table. Make it less about combatting food dogmas and more about how you two will show love by nourishing each other with the best possible food available. Think about what your goal is; is to love and nourish each other or is to undermine each other’s health with toxic food and/or toxic emotions? If there is tension around food prep and cooking, that tension will go straight into the food you make and into your body. It mind sound cheesy, but you can feel the love (or the hate) that is put into every meal (that’s why home cooked food at Grandma’s is always extra good…the love ingredient is unlike any other!) Always make love and true nourishment the top priority of your meal time together and I promise you, it will go a whole lot smoother.
Do you have a different eating style/dietary restrictions than your mate? How do you make it work?
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